Potus November Tuesday Acceptance Speech

“Tonight is a momentous occasion and I am here to celebrate with you.  Today we Americans have elected a new President of the longest running, most successful democracy in the world!  This is important for the following reasons.  First, I am the second President since Eisenhower to be elected from the state of Kansas.”  The crowd went wild and the state song started playing over the loudspeakers briefly.  “Second, I believe that I have received a mandate from the American people that says loudly and clearly, ‘we are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and we are not going to take it anymore!’”

                The crowd erupted in a long, noisy fit of applause and cheering.  Potus-elect rocked back on his heels and beamed, raising his hands to quiet the crowds.  “We have...  We have...” Potus elect raised both hands, making placating motions.  The audience slowly quieted down and the music over the loudspeakers subsided.

                “We have gathered here at the R.V. Christian Track because we want to show the United States, and the world, how advanced and modern our wonderful State of Kansas is.  No longer are we going to be famous for the Wizard of Oz.”  The audience booed.  “No longer are we going to be relegated to the backwaters of states always at the bottom of the states’ lists.  We are proud to be home on the range.  We proudly declare that seldom are heard discouraging words!”  The audience was in a writhing shouting frenzy with Potus-elect waving his marionettes using furious hand motions.  “We proudly declare that the skies are not clouded all day!”

                A raindrop landed on Potus-elect’s forehead and remembered the rain forecast.  He hurried a bit.  “The President of the United States is not a man.  The President is an office.    I have been given a mandate as the new man in this great office that I am required to fix the ills that plague this great nation.  Our nation was built on the foundations of great men in large offices who were able to show the world what freedom, capitalism, and democracy mean.  The outgoing man who was in this office for the last eight years was one of them.”  The audience cheered respectfully.  “He was not bad as a president, but I think we can do better!”

Potus-elect realised he had stopped reading the speech notes a while earlier, but decided to keep going.  “I promised during my campaign many things that I would change.  The first thing I proposed is removing the Daylight Savings time zones.  We are sick and tired of being sick and tired of changing our clocks at random intervals.”  The last sentence he had to shout over the joyous cries of the crowd.

“Second, I proposed that we cut taxes to the common people, and also cutting government spending by the same amount.  That is, if I cut two billion dollars from the government spending programs, I promised to give that two billion dollars back to you.  Each of you knows how best to spend money, and it’s your money anyway, so why shouldn’t you have it?”

The 3000+ attendees at the event could barely contain their ecstasy as they chanted, screamed, yelled and waved signs.  Someone in section 33A started chanting, “Potus.  Potus.  Potus.”  Potus-elect raised his hands in a placating motion again.

“Third, I proposed that the congress is useless and restrictive to freedom and democracy.  I have proposed that I will not sign any bill into law under my term, unless that bill also struck down or replaced two other laws.  We’re sick and tired of being sick and tired,” (the audience chanted with him) “of laws and 400-plus old guys telling us what to do.”

“Fourth, and this basically goes with everything I’ve said above, fourth I promise that I will veto every law that comes out of Congress onto my desk if it does not meet the criteria I’ve laid out.  I will send those people home.  Who needs them?  They do not accomplish anything useful.  We have enough laws.  We spend too much money.  They can come up with any ideas for laws all day, but I won’t sign them.”

The audience frenzy was near a breaking point.  Off in the distance which few people noticed, the sky rumbled quietly.

Potus-elect continued, “I will agree to do three things I am bound by my oath of office to accomplish:  I will give a State of The Union Speech.  I will sign a budget that matches what I have outlined before.  I will preserve and protect the Constitution of the United States until death do us part!”

The loudspeakers swelled with music and suddenly there was a bright flash of light.  Everyone froze in place for a few seconds until a loud crack of thunder rolled in from the direction of the lightning.  “Good night and God bless,” Potus-elect yelled and everyone ran for cover, emptying the Kansas State R.V. Christian Outdoor Track and Field within a few minutes.