Meanwhile underground in the press assembly room, the Press Relations secretary was trying to calm down the reporters.
"I understand your concerns," he said, "but the bathrooms have not been repaired yet and the schedule to do so has been pushed back. Were lucky it's the middle of winter because the air conditioner is broken too."
Potus arrived by the flags next to the Presidential seal. The press erupted again and cameras swivels while flashes flickered like fireworks. Potus, surprised and blinded, turned on his heel and exited.
The Press Relations secretary turned, saw no one and shouted above the din, "Calm down, calm down. This is not a disaster, just drink one energy drink in the morning instead of six."
The hubbub died down a little. He continued, "There, much better. Now I'm told that the President will be delayed, so while we wait, I'd suggest you go outside and visit the bushes."
Potus reappeared, looking lost. The shouting and camera flashes climaxed again.
"Hold it down, hold it down," yelled the Press secretary. "It's a joke. A joke." He looked over and the Chief of Staff had replaced the spot where Potus had been, having followed him in and took his spot when he left again.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I'd like to introduce the Chief of Staff. He'll give us a few words while wait. Mr. Staff Chief?"
There was some light applause. Secretary of State stepped in front of the podium. "Thank you. Um, ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."
Potus appeared, a beatific smile on his face. He stepped to the podium and shook the Chief of Staff's hand heartily.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press," Potus began. "I use the terms lightly of course: few of you are ladies and even fewer of you are gentlemen." Some polite laughter flitted among the reporters. "This is our first press meeting and I'd like to keep it brief. As you know I'm the busiest leader of the free world. You there, you have a question?"
A reporter stood and read from his iPad. "Sir, you've mentioned before how the President is an office and not a man. How do you plan to inhabit the office and fulfill the duties of office if you distance yourself from your job like that?"
Potus answered, "That was the world's most boring question. How long did you take to write that stupid question? An hour? That's lame. This country needs leadership. The kind of leadership that comes from a book, not the kind that comes from an iPad." Potus pointed to someone in the back. "You, what's your question? And don't read it, you have to look me in the eye and ask me a question."
A younger woman stood up and asked in a wavering voice, "Some of the statements in your inaugural speech about labour relations were, um, controversial. What are your plans for the economy and unions in America, given the economic challenges brought on by industrialised nations in Asia?"
Potus answered, "Good question. I made it clear what I intended to do. In terms of the economy, everyone knows the executive branch can do very little. We're actually second only to the useless judicial branch in that we have little direct impact on the economy. We can only enforce the laws that already exist. That's why I intend to send Congress home early every year after I sign their budget. The laws in existence today are good enough for now, and they'll be good enough tomorrow. And if we want to get rid of some laws, consolidate a little; that's fine, I'll trade them two for one, or three for one, what have you. For every law they want to past, we have to remove two others. Whatever they like. Otherwise they can pound sand and I'll veto everything they try to pass."
The young woman pressed on, "Yes, what about the remarks by the Speaker of the House that they operate on a super majority basis, or a veto proof basis anyway?"
Potus batted at the air with his hand. "Fuck him," he said. "The head of the House is the Vice President, and I own that guy. He reports to me." Potus grinned broadly.
There was a conspicuous silence. Potus wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Anyway, the people are my primary concern. The regular people. The average man. Those are the people I'm working for. I'd rather talk to them than to you dimwits. I feel like the common man needs to speak to me, and I need to speak with him."
A reported in front stood up and interrupted, "Sir, what about the common woman?"
Potus nodded. "Yes, her too. I want to speak directly to the common everyperson. I think in today's technical age we could accomplish a virtual get together, a live webcast of a town hall. We'll setup some conference centres all over our great country and we'll allow every U.S. citizen who wants to 30 seconds, maybe, to ask a question. And no reading questions, either. No statements or rants. Just good old citizens meeting face to face as in the days of George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. I'll make a 30 second reply and we can do sixty an hour. We'll just bring them in randomly, just let whoever's next say what they have to say."
"I understand your concerns," he said, "but the bathrooms have not been repaired yet and the schedule to do so has been pushed back. Were lucky it's the middle of winter because the air conditioner is broken too."
Potus arrived by the flags next to the Presidential seal. The press erupted again and cameras swivels while flashes flickered like fireworks. Potus, surprised and blinded, turned on his heel and exited.
The Press Relations secretary turned, saw no one and shouted above the din, "Calm down, calm down. This is not a disaster, just drink one energy drink in the morning instead of six."
The hubbub died down a little. He continued, "There, much better. Now I'm told that the President will be delayed, so while we wait, I'd suggest you go outside and visit the bushes."
Potus reappeared, looking lost. The shouting and camera flashes climaxed again.
"Hold it down, hold it down," yelled the Press secretary. "It's a joke. A joke." He looked over and the Chief of Staff had replaced the spot where Potus had been, having followed him in and took his spot when he left again.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I'd like to introduce the Chief of Staff. He'll give us a few words while wait. Mr. Staff Chief?"
There was some light applause. Secretary of State stepped in front of the podium. "Thank you. Um, ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."
Potus appeared, a beatific smile on his face. He stepped to the podium and shook the Chief of Staff's hand heartily.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press," Potus began. "I use the terms lightly of course: few of you are ladies and even fewer of you are gentlemen." Some polite laughter flitted among the reporters. "This is our first press meeting and I'd like to keep it brief. As you know I'm the busiest leader of the free world. You there, you have a question?"
A reporter stood and read from his iPad. "Sir, you've mentioned before how the President is an office and not a man. How do you plan to inhabit the office and fulfill the duties of office if you distance yourself from your job like that?"
Potus answered, "That was the world's most boring question. How long did you take to write that stupid question? An hour? That's lame. This country needs leadership. The kind of leadership that comes from a book, not the kind that comes from an iPad." Potus pointed to someone in the back. "You, what's your question? And don't read it, you have to look me in the eye and ask me a question."
A younger woman stood up and asked in a wavering voice, "Some of the statements in your inaugural speech about labour relations were, um, controversial. What are your plans for the economy and unions in America, given the economic challenges brought on by industrialised nations in Asia?"
Potus answered, "Good question. I made it clear what I intended to do. In terms of the economy, everyone knows the executive branch can do very little. We're actually second only to the useless judicial branch in that we have little direct impact on the economy. We can only enforce the laws that already exist. That's why I intend to send Congress home early every year after I sign their budget. The laws in existence today are good enough for now, and they'll be good enough tomorrow. And if we want to get rid of some laws, consolidate a little; that's fine, I'll trade them two for one, or three for one, what have you. For every law they want to past, we have to remove two others. Whatever they like. Otherwise they can pound sand and I'll veto everything they try to pass."
The young woman pressed on, "Yes, what about the remarks by the Speaker of the House that they operate on a super majority basis, or a veto proof basis anyway?"
Potus batted at the air with his hand. "Fuck him," he said. "The head of the House is the Vice President, and I own that guy. He reports to me." Potus grinned broadly.
There was a conspicuous silence. Potus wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Anyway, the people are my primary concern. The regular people. The average man. Those are the people I'm working for. I'd rather talk to them than to you dimwits. I feel like the common man needs to speak to me, and I need to speak with him."
A reported in front stood up and interrupted, "Sir, what about the common woman?"
Potus nodded. "Yes, her too. I want to speak directly to the common everyperson. I think in today's technical age we could accomplish a virtual get together, a live webcast of a town hall. We'll setup some conference centres all over our great country and we'll allow every U.S. citizen who wants to 30 seconds, maybe, to ask a question. And no reading questions, either. No statements or rants. Just good old citizens meeting face to face as in the days of George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. I'll make a 30 second reply and we can do sixty an hour. We'll just bring them in randomly, just let whoever's next say what they have to say."
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