Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Potus, Camp David, Part III

"It's not French," demanded Potus.
"It could be a French flag," agreed Johnson.
"Besides, Sir, a Speedo isn't exactly American," said Chief of Staff.
"It helps me swim faster," said Potus.
They walked past the pool up the path to where the hot dogs were cooking on the grill.
Potus sniffed the air.  "Ah, patriotism," he sighed again.
"What's that?" asked a familiar voice behind Potus.
"U.N. Ambassador, how nice to meet you here," Potus said.
"I was able to tag along with the foreign dignitaries.  I am always on hand to meet with them," she explained.
"You're here to handle my affairs I guess," said Potus.
"Excatly right," she said.
"I think the Office needs all the help it can get for foreign diplomatic relations," Potus said.
"What kind of shorts are those?" the U.N. Ambassador asked.
"These are American swimming shorts," Potus declared proudly, arms akimbo.
"They look like the French flag," the U.N. Ambassador said.
"How would you know?" asked Potus.
"Sir, I see every country's flag on a daily basis near my office at the United Nations," she said.
"Clearly you haven't seen the American flag enough," scoffed Potus.
Another man approached.  The U.N. Ambassador introduced him to Potus.  "Mr. President, this is the Israeli Prime Minister.  Israeli Prime Minister, this is Potus."
"Pleased to meet you," said Potus.
"Likewise," said the Israeli Prime Minister.
"Tell me something, if you would," asked Potus.
"Certainly," the Israeli Prime Minister said.
"Are you Jewish?" asked Potus.
"Of course," answered the Israeli Prime Minister.  "Why would you ask?"
"Nothing," said Potus.  "It's just that I don't see the funny hat you guys wear.  So I was wondering."
"You mean the Yarmukle?  It is not Shabbat, so we are not required to wear it.  I am also not very Orthodox like some of my colleagues."
"Yes, I understand.  I'm not Greek either.  And unlike the Greeks, you and I share a similar situation in the pants region," said Potus.
"I'm not sure I understand the reference," said the Israeli Prime Minister.
"You know, with the whole Jewish thing in the, uh, downstairs department."
The Prime Minister stared.
"You know," pressed Potus.  "The junk.  The skinned package.  The circumstantial evidence.  You can probably see with the snugness of my swimming trunks."
The Prime Minister carefully avoided looking down.  "I think I understand," he said.
"What the President is trying to say," interrupted the U.N. Ambassador quickly, "is that he is a big fan of Jewish heritage and customs.  He also supports the cultural stylings of the Hebrew peoples with an inclusive view of all world religions."
"I do not," said Potus.
"Let's go eat, shall we?" asked the U.N. Ambassador.
"Yes," said Potus.  "Do you like a rolled up meat in your mouth, Ambassador?"
"Oh, stop," said the First Lady.  The Israeli Prime Minister Guffawed.
"Yes, I do quite like sausages and hotdogs," said the U.N. Ambassador innocently.  "I consider myself quite ambitious and have tried a variety of meats from around the world."
"I'm sure you did," winked Potus.
"Do you like Kashir meats at all?" asked the Israeli Prime Minister.
"Oh yes, and also Hallal," answered the U.N. Ambassador.
"Truly offensive," said the Israeli Prime Minister.
"Not at the same time," interjected Potus.
"No, not at the same time," agreed the U.N. Ambassador.
"One after the other?" asked the First Lady.
"Depending on my apetite, I guess," answered the U.N. Ambassador, not getting the drift.
"Do you like to spread mayonaise on your hotdogs?" aske Potus, layering his dog with a mixture of condiments.
"Not really, that is a European specialty," she answered.
"And should the meat exceed the bun, or do you prefer the reverse?" asked the Israeli Prime Minister.
"About an equal ratio," answered the U.N. Prime Minister, considering the details carefully.
"I believe the bun should just barely contain the meat," said the First Lady looking at the Potus.  "And if there isn't enough meat, then some fillers will have to be added somehow," she noted.
"No, I believe in all natural ingredients," said Potus defensively.
They walked toward a park bench where an old man was sitting.
"Hello," the old man greeted them.  "I am Chief Chavatangakwunua of the Hopi peoples," he said.
"Pleased to meet you," said Potus,  extending his hand.  He fumbled his plate and fell into his lap as he was sitting.  Potus caught it between his thighs, high up near the crotch so it stuck out.  "Oops," he said.  "Will someone get that, I'm having some troubles..."
The First Lady reached out but her plate drooped precariously and her hot dog flew into the lap of the Hopi Chief.  He clamped his legs together and caught the hot dog in a similar fashion to Potus.
Potus stood up, carefully keeping the hot dog between his legs.  "I don't want to drop the dog, and I don't want to grab it because of the condiments," he said.
"Let me get that, Sir," said the Chief of Staff hurrying over.
"No, no, I can do it," Potus said.
"Oh dear me," said the First Lady.  She reached out to grab her hot dog from the Chief's lap.  Potus turned slightly and brushed his hot dog against her thigh as she was bent over to retrieve hers from the Chief.
A photographer snapped some pictures at a distance.
After the mess with the hot dogs was cleaned up and every had sat down calmly, the British Prime Minister came over and introduced himself.
"Nice to meet you," said Potus.
"Nicely met," said the British Prime Minister and then sneezed.
Potus recoiled.  "You're not sick are you?"
"Just a slight head cold, chap," said the British Prime Minister.
"I have a cure for that cold, and some blankets," said the Hopi Chief.
"Yes, yes, quite.  That would be terrific," said the British Prime Minister.
"I'll need some too.  I don't like to get sick," said Potus.
"No, he doesn't," said the First Lady.  "I try to make him soups and home made remedies and he absolutely will have none of it."
"I find it fascinating how each culture deals with sickness and disease," said the U.N. Ambassador.  "I would also be interested in the native cures of the American tribes people."
The Hopi Chief nodded.  "I brought some Anhalonium with me.  We will have a Ghost Dance and watch the fireworks," he said.
"I can have my chef cook some Matzo ball soup as well," offered the Israeli Prime Minister.  "It cures everything that ails man."
"What about women?" asked the U.N. Ambassador.
"Yes, them too," answered Potus quickly.  "The Jewish people have a long tradition of treating women well."
"We do?" asked the Israeli Prime Minsiter surprised.
"Of course," answered the U.N. Ambassador.  "The Israeli armed forces is half women."
"That's because we don't have a large population," said the Israeli Prime Minister.
"Tell us one of those famous Hopi Indian stories, Chawangobongo" said Potus shifting focus.
"Chavatangakwunua," corrected the Hopi Chief.  "I will tell a story during the Ghost Dance.  It is the proper time for such things.  Each bird likes to hear himself sing."
"Amen to that," said Potus.

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