April 15
Meanwhile, in the executive conference room, Potus was having his staff meeting. The Cheif of Staff was massaging his glasses again with his handkerchief.
"Sir, the Congress has voted to, unfortunately, halt allocations for the executive budget. This is in retailiation for the veto blockade you've called on their bills."
Potus was annoyed. "Did you speak to the Vice President?"
"Yes Sir," said Chief of Staff
"What did he say?" asked Potus.
"He said that they have a point and they should be upset that we haven't passed any of their bills. They've been able to get two passed by veto override. One of them authorises pay increases for members of Congress and the other is the spending block on your budget."
"Fucking traitor," he cursed his second in command. "Assholes," Potus muttered at his Congressional enemies. "I'll show them," he announced. "Listen everybody." Everyone listened closely. "Today we are under assault. We are beset on each side by the balance of powers. This office has never felt more attacked at any time in the history of the office of the President." Several heads nodded in agreement. "As of today, we shall declare a formal war on what has been a friendly rejoinder or two. We shall draw a line in the sand and say that this far, and no further, may the sloths of legislation pass." More heads nodded fervently.
"As of today, I am going to be performing massivie cut-backs in staffing, hours and pay." Most heads stopped nodding in agreement. "Today we are going to batten the hatches and till the soil for tomorrow's victory. Times will be tough. You will be required to work for less than usual wages. But we are in this fight together and we will not bow to the pressure of the moneychangers."
"Hallelujah!" exclaimed the Secretary of State, fainting onto the Chief of Staff's lap. He had narrowly escaped getting his glasses crushed by putting them on before the Secretary of State was felled.
"Sir," said the Chief of Staff. "What about all the support staff, the press secreatary and all of those people?"
"They can either be with me or against me," said Potus. From now on, most people work for free. We won't be making payroll soon. They're shutting us down. Some people will stay on, others will be fired. Most will be laid off. There will be more people available to stand in line at the DMV and the post office."
The Chief of Staff squirmed in his seat, trying to wake up the Secretary of State.
The Secretary of Defence spoke up. "Sir, my staff are vital to our continued operations. We've already cut as many staff as we possibly could. I will need to have as much man power as possible to continue the national interests."
"Quite right," said Potus. "The military is exempt. The Congress jackals will never cut funding for the war effort. Tell them we've heard some announcements about airplanes over the Atlantic. Mention someplace scary."
"There are recent reports of possible attacks on airplanes originating from South Tajikistan."
"Good idea," Potus agreed, "but make it more believable. Don't you have any other 'Stans you can use?"
"No Sir," stammered the Department of Defence. "I'm actually telling the truth. There really are reports..."
"Ok, fine, very convincing," said Potus. "Just use some place else that actually exists, like China or Japan. Nobody is going to believe a fake attack from some place named after a fake Turkey country."
"Fine," said the Department of Defence.
"You there," called Potus indicating the Department of Homeland Security head. "Sleepyhead. Wake up!"
Secretary of State jolted up in her seat, knocking the Chief of Staff in the chin. "What?" she exlaimed.
"Not you, old hag, Homeland Security!"
"Yes, Sir!" snapped the Homeland Security chief suddenly awake and reading his notes. "We're well ahead of schedule to increase body scans and intrusive pat-downs. Nearly four billion paris of shoes have been inspected in the most successful security detail of all time," he said.
"Bullshit," said Potus. "Taking off shoes is bullshit. What is your department doing about cutbacks?"
"Cutbacks, Sir?"
"Yes, reductions, layoffs, forced retirement, no more internal office email. Things like that."
"Well, Sir, this isn't a good time. We've just recently given pay hikes to everyone and the unions are upset that we did not give them the 25% raises they expected. We also recently purchased the automated intrusion prevention scanners to be used at all the regional ariports in the country. The security threat is very grave and cutbacks could threaten our entire way of life."
"I like the way you think," said Potus. "We'll tell them the theat indicators are all over the place and we're upgrading from yellow to orange any time soon."
"Sir," said the Homeland Security chief, "we're at green right now."
Potus grimaced. "Well, make it blue or yellow or whatever, right now. Next week bump it up again. There's a serious threat to national safety from... where?" he asked the Department of Defence.
"Mongolia, Sir," replied Department of Defence, checking his notes.
"Mongolia! Mongolians are attacking our way of life. The very sky that we breathe and fly is not safe. We must have funding to meet the threat!"
Potus pointed to the Chief of Staff. "Are you writing this down? Or are you a Mongoloid among us, ready to attack like a sleeper cell?"
"No Sir, never, I would never..."
Potus waved at his protest. "Just make sure you document all these threats and tell the Vice President to do his job over there in the House of Representatives. Make sure they keep these safety issues first and foremost in mind."
"Meanwhile," Potus said, smirking and rubbing his hands together gleefully. "It's time for some cutbacks here in the White House. I don't think we need that many maids and manservants do you?"
"Um, ah, well, uh, that is, Sir," stammered the Chief of Staff.
"That stingy maid with those wonderful chocolates that are supposed to be on the pillow has denied me for the last time. What do you think about that?" Potus asked the empty air in front of him.
"Well, ah, um, yes, see, well, the er, incident if you recall..." said the Chief of Staff.
"Good, you'll take care of it," Potus said. "Make sure you don't fire the chef because we need to eat lunch."
Meanwhile, in the executive conference room, Potus was having his staff meeting. The Cheif of Staff was massaging his glasses again with his handkerchief.
"Sir, the Congress has voted to, unfortunately, halt allocations for the executive budget. This is in retailiation for the veto blockade you've called on their bills."
Potus was annoyed. "Did you speak to the Vice President?"
"Yes Sir," said Chief of Staff
"What did he say?" asked Potus.
"He said that they have a point and they should be upset that we haven't passed any of their bills. They've been able to get two passed by veto override. One of them authorises pay increases for members of Congress and the other is the spending block on your budget."
"Fucking traitor," he cursed his second in command. "Assholes," Potus muttered at his Congressional enemies. "I'll show them," he announced. "Listen everybody." Everyone listened closely. "Today we are under assault. We are beset on each side by the balance of powers. This office has never felt more attacked at any time in the history of the office of the President." Several heads nodded in agreement. "As of today, we shall declare a formal war on what has been a friendly rejoinder or two. We shall draw a line in the sand and say that this far, and no further, may the sloths of legislation pass." More heads nodded fervently.
"As of today, I am going to be performing massivie cut-backs in staffing, hours and pay." Most heads stopped nodding in agreement. "Today we are going to batten the hatches and till the soil for tomorrow's victory. Times will be tough. You will be required to work for less than usual wages. But we are in this fight together and we will not bow to the pressure of the moneychangers."
"Hallelujah!" exclaimed the Secretary of State, fainting onto the Chief of Staff's lap. He had narrowly escaped getting his glasses crushed by putting them on before the Secretary of State was felled.
"Sir," said the Chief of Staff. "What about all the support staff, the press secreatary and all of those people?"
"They can either be with me or against me," said Potus. From now on, most people work for free. We won't be making payroll soon. They're shutting us down. Some people will stay on, others will be fired. Most will be laid off. There will be more people available to stand in line at the DMV and the post office."
The Chief of Staff squirmed in his seat, trying to wake up the Secretary of State.
The Secretary of Defence spoke up. "Sir, my staff are vital to our continued operations. We've already cut as many staff as we possibly could. I will need to have as much man power as possible to continue the national interests."
"Quite right," said Potus. "The military is exempt. The Congress jackals will never cut funding for the war effort. Tell them we've heard some announcements about airplanes over the Atlantic. Mention someplace scary."
"There are recent reports of possible attacks on airplanes originating from South Tajikistan."
"Good idea," Potus agreed, "but make it more believable. Don't you have any other 'Stans you can use?"
"No Sir," stammered the Department of Defence. "I'm actually telling the truth. There really are reports..."
"Ok, fine, very convincing," said Potus. "Just use some place else that actually exists, like China or Japan. Nobody is going to believe a fake attack from some place named after a fake Turkey country."
"Fine," said the Department of Defence.
"You there," called Potus indicating the Department of Homeland Security head. "Sleepyhead. Wake up!"
Secretary of State jolted up in her seat, knocking the Chief of Staff in the chin. "What?" she exlaimed.
"Not you, old hag, Homeland Security!"
"Yes, Sir!" snapped the Homeland Security chief suddenly awake and reading his notes. "We're well ahead of schedule to increase body scans and intrusive pat-downs. Nearly four billion paris of shoes have been inspected in the most successful security detail of all time," he said.
"Bullshit," said Potus. "Taking off shoes is bullshit. What is your department doing about cutbacks?"
"Cutbacks, Sir?"
"Yes, reductions, layoffs, forced retirement, no more internal office email. Things like that."
"Well, Sir, this isn't a good time. We've just recently given pay hikes to everyone and the unions are upset that we did not give them the 25% raises they expected. We also recently purchased the automated intrusion prevention scanners to be used at all the regional ariports in the country. The security threat is very grave and cutbacks could threaten our entire way of life."
"I like the way you think," said Potus. "We'll tell them the theat indicators are all over the place and we're upgrading from yellow to orange any time soon."
"Sir," said the Homeland Security chief, "we're at green right now."
Potus grimaced. "Well, make it blue or yellow or whatever, right now. Next week bump it up again. There's a serious threat to national safety from... where?" he asked the Department of Defence.
"Mongolia, Sir," replied Department of Defence, checking his notes.
"Mongolia! Mongolians are attacking our way of life. The very sky that we breathe and fly is not safe. We must have funding to meet the threat!"
Potus pointed to the Chief of Staff. "Are you writing this down? Or are you a Mongoloid among us, ready to attack like a sleeper cell?"
"No Sir, never, I would never..."
Potus waved at his protest. "Just make sure you document all these threats and tell the Vice President to do his job over there in the House of Representatives. Make sure they keep these safety issues first and foremost in mind."
"Meanwhile," Potus said, smirking and rubbing his hands together gleefully. "It's time for some cutbacks here in the White House. I don't think we need that many maids and manservants do you?"
"Um, ah, well, uh, that is, Sir," stammered the Chief of Staff.
"That stingy maid with those wonderful chocolates that are supposed to be on the pillow has denied me for the last time. What do you think about that?" Potus asked the empty air in front of him.
"Well, ah, um, yes, see, well, the er, incident if you recall..." said the Chief of Staff.
"Good, you'll take care of it," Potus said. "Make sure you don't fire the chef because we need to eat lunch."
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