Potus, Inauguration part I

January 20

                Meanwhile on the West front of the U.S. Capitol, at 3:30pm Eastern Standard Time the crowds had gathered to witness the inauguration.  It was bitterly cold.  Potus-elect stamped his feet while the endless music played.  The First Lady-elect held his hand on his knee, trying to keep him still.  She kept nudging him to raise his hand and wave, which he did grudgingly.  When the last bars of music faded, Potus-elect was grateful and rose from his seat eagerly to stand at the lectern where the oath would be administered.

                He stood for a while, raising his right hand.  More music started and a parade of military regiments started moving in tight formations, waving flags.  First Lady-elect waved at Potus-elect, calling him back in a panic.  Potus-elect realised his error and dropped his raised hand to walk back to the chair.  First Lady-elect chided him under her breath, still managing somehow to smile and wave to the crowds.  Potus-elect pouted and stopped waving, ignoring his wife’s elbow jabs.

                Once again, the music stopped and Potus-elect stood but his wife dragged him down quickly.  A drum marshal began playing a drum roll.  After the drum roll, three drummers went rat-a-tat-tat-bum.  There was a pause.  Potus-elect tried to stand again, but his wife pulled him down by the arm.  The drummers began another sequence of rat-a-tat-bum-bum-tat-a-bum in perfect sequence.  Next, some counted.  All six snare drums sounded at once with a loud boom.  Everyone waited.

                First Lady-elect suddenly realised it was time, and prodded Potus-elect.  He waved her off and gesticulated at the drummers.  They stood motionless.  First Lady-elect pointed with a stabbing finger at the Chief Justice standing next to the lectern, waiting.  Potus-elect stood up quickly and strode over confidently, stopped and raised his right hand.

The First Lady-elect waved a white folded paper at the new President.  He dropped his arm, ran back to his seat to grab the sheet of paper, then ran back to the lectern.  As he turned, he knocked over a vase of flowers.  Three secret service agents rushed over to fix the vase and pick up the spilled pieces of plants.  Potus-elect tried to help guiltily, but the agents waved him over to the lectern.

Once the commotion had died down enough on the stage, Potus-elect faced the Chief Justice and raised his right hand, placing his left on the bible, mimicking the Justice’s hand motion.  The Chief Justice smiled and said, “I have had the honour of swearing in three terms of presidents on days just like this.  It is a great honour to swear in one more.  If you will repeat after me:  I,” here the microphone crackled a bit, “do solemnly swear...”

Potus nodded and repeated, “I do solemnly swear...”

The Chief Justice continued, “...to faithfully execute the Office of the President...”

Potus looked confused and took his hand off the bible to look at the paper he had grabbed earlier.  He read, “...that I will execute faithfully the Office of the President...”

The Chief Justice cocked his head and looked over the top of the paper Potus-elect held.  They turned toward each other.  Unaware they were both still wearing microphones the audience could hear the following exchange:

“For fuck’s sake.”

“No, wait, it’s here, see?”

“Over here?”

“No, there, remember we practiced it yesterday?”

“It’s crossed out.”

“We printed a new copy.”

“What the fuck?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Never mind.”

They turned back and the Chief Justice addressed the crowd.  “We’re going to start over again.  I apologise for this slight issue.”  He cleared his throat and Potus again assumed the position, left hand stiffly on the bible at the lectern, right hand raised.

The Chief Justice once again began, “I,” scratchy noises, “do solemnly swear...”

“I do solemnly swear...”

“...that I will faithfully” here with extra emphasis, “execute...”

“...that I will FAITHFULLY EXEcute...” mimicked Potus-elect.

“...the Office of the President of the United States...”

“...the Office of the President of the United States...”

“...and will, to the best of my ability...”

“...and will, to the... uh...”

“...best of my ability...”

“...best of my ability.  Thanks,”

“No problem.  Preserve, protect and defend...”

“...preserve, protect and defend...”

“...the Constitution of the United States.”

“...the Constitution of the United States.  Whew.”

The Chief Justice smiled broadly and said, “I now declare you President of the United States.”

Potus smiled and said, “High five,” waving his raised hand toward the Chief Justice.  The Chief Justice shied away and left the platform.  Potus looked disappointed and looked over at the First Lady.  He kept trying to high five the empty air and pointed dejectedly at the Chief Justice who was now sitting.

The First Lady pointed at the cameras in front of the lectern and yelled in a stage whisper, “Your speech.  Your speech,” and she kept stabbing her finger toward the front of the balcony.

Potus November Tuesday Acceptance Speech

“Tonight is a momentous occasion and I am here to celebrate with you.  Today we Americans have elected a new President of the longest running, most successful democracy in the world!  This is important for the following reasons.  First, I am the second President since Eisenhower to be elected from the state of Kansas.”  The crowd went wild and the state song started playing over the loudspeakers briefly.  “Second, I believe that I have received a mandate from the American people that says loudly and clearly, ‘we are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and we are not going to take it anymore!’”

                The crowd erupted in a long, noisy fit of applause and cheering.  Potus-elect rocked back on his heels and beamed, raising his hands to quiet the crowds.  “We have...  We have...” Potus elect raised both hands, making placating motions.  The audience slowly quieted down and the music over the loudspeakers subsided.

                “We have gathered here at the R.V. Christian Track because we want to show the United States, and the world, how advanced and modern our wonderful State of Kansas is.  No longer are we going to be famous for the Wizard of Oz.”  The audience booed.  “No longer are we going to be relegated to the backwaters of states always at the bottom of the states’ lists.  We are proud to be home on the range.  We proudly declare that seldom are heard discouraging words!”  The audience was in a writhing shouting frenzy with Potus-elect waving his marionettes using furious hand motions.  “We proudly declare that the skies are not clouded all day!”

                A raindrop landed on Potus-elect’s forehead and remembered the rain forecast.  He hurried a bit.  “The President of the United States is not a man.  The President is an office.    I have been given a mandate as the new man in this great office that I am required to fix the ills that plague this great nation.  Our nation was built on the foundations of great men in large offices who were able to show the world what freedom, capitalism, and democracy mean.  The outgoing man who was in this office for the last eight years was one of them.”  The audience cheered respectfully.  “He was not bad as a president, but I think we can do better!”

Potus-elect realised he had stopped reading the speech notes a while earlier, but decided to keep going.  “I promised during my campaign many things that I would change.  The first thing I proposed is removing the Daylight Savings time zones.  We are sick and tired of being sick and tired of changing our clocks at random intervals.”  The last sentence he had to shout over the joyous cries of the crowd.

“Second, I proposed that we cut taxes to the common people, and also cutting government spending by the same amount.  That is, if I cut two billion dollars from the government spending programs, I promised to give that two billion dollars back to you.  Each of you knows how best to spend money, and it’s your money anyway, so why shouldn’t you have it?”

The 3000+ attendees at the event could barely contain their ecstasy as they chanted, screamed, yelled and waved signs.  Someone in section 33A started chanting, “Potus.  Potus.  Potus.”  Potus-elect raised his hands in a placating motion again.

“Third, I proposed that the congress is useless and restrictive to freedom and democracy.  I have proposed that I will not sign any bill into law under my term, unless that bill also struck down or replaced two other laws.  We’re sick and tired of being sick and tired,” (the audience chanted with him) “of laws and 400-plus old guys telling us what to do.”

“Fourth, and this basically goes with everything I’ve said above, fourth I promise that I will veto every law that comes out of Congress onto my desk if it does not meet the criteria I’ve laid out.  I will send those people home.  Who needs them?  They do not accomplish anything useful.  We have enough laws.  We spend too much money.  They can come up with any ideas for laws all day, but I won’t sign them.”

The audience frenzy was near a breaking point.  Off in the distance which few people noticed, the sky rumbled quietly.

Potus-elect continued, “I will agree to do three things I am bound by my oath of office to accomplish:  I will give a State of The Union Speech.  I will sign a budget that matches what I have outlined before.  I will preserve and protect the Constitution of the United States until death do us part!”

The loudspeakers swelled with music and suddenly there was a bright flash of light.  Everyone froze in place for a few seconds until a loud crack of thunder rolled in from the direction of the lightning.  “Good night and God bless,” Potus-elect yelled and everyone ran for cover, emptying the Kansas State R.V. Christian Outdoor Track and Field within a few minutes.

Potus, Accpetance speech

The President of the United States of America (acronym: POTUS)^[6] is the head of state and head of government of the United States. The president leads the executive branch of the federal government and is the commander-in-chief of the United States Armed Forces. ^*

Tuesday, November

                At 11:03pm Mountain Daylight Savings Time the news broadcasters called the presidential election in his favour.  The new POTUS watched the news on the television in the Green room.

                “Sir?” an aide poked his head in.  “Congratulations.  Would you like to present your acceptance speech in a few minutes?”

                Potus looked at his wife, tearing up and at the other staffers standing around with their spirits running high.  He nodded.  “Did the polls close in Alaska and Hawaii yet?”

                “Yes, Sir, that’s why they waited until 11:03.”

                “Makes sense,” Potus said.

                The new First Lady took his hand.  “Honey, this is it,” she said and wiped a happy tear from the corner of her eye.  He nodded again and reached into his right pocket where the acceptance speech rested.  The speech other pocket was not needed and could be thrown away.  He kissed his wife and followed the aide down a hallway.

                The lights shone brightly on the stage at the Kansas State Outdoor Track and Field facilities.  Potus stood behind a curtain, mouthing words to his speech while waiting for the crowd’s enthusiastic shouts to climb.  A guest speaker was making the crowds go wild as he repeated the news that CNN, FOX News, MSNBC and others had just announced.

                On a signal, Potus stepped out from behind the curtain on the makeshift stage and the crowd erupted.  He stepped up to the podium and unfolded his paper speech, smoothing it on the surface before him.

                “It is with a heavy heart I bring you this news,” he started and stopped.  He put his hand to his chest and tapped it.  “Um...” The audience tittered nervously.  Potus searched his vest pockets hurriedly.  “Sorry about that, I got the wrong piece of paper out,” he exclaimed, digging in his pockets.  The crowd roared with approval.  News anchors around the world were stunned into silence.

                “I’ve got it here, I’m sure,” Potus continued, checking his left pants pocket.  He took a piece of paper out and unfolded it and smoothing it out on the surface in front of him.  “Ah, much better,” he said and the crowd once again roared in approval.  “Where were we?  Ah yes,” he continued.

                “Tonight is a momentous occasion and I am here to celebrate with you.  Today we Americans have elected a new President of the longest running, most successful democracy in the world!  Today is momentous because of the following reasons.  First, I am the second President since Eisenhower to be elected from the state of Kansas.”  The crowd went wild and the state song started playing over the loudspeakers briefly.  “Second,