Friday, April 12, 2013

Animal House

(rescued from G+, 25 Nov. 2012)


The spirits of the animals whisper across the land, their language as impenetrable as the dark forest and deep snow.  Hark!  They speak now.  Forsooth!  You shall listen intently.  In the dank forests of Blefurgrhestein the Leopard and Puma spirits were conversing.

In the days before the light was banished
The warm sun didst heat us all
And though the autumn mist was cold and blue
We could not protect the land called Horsashaquida

The Dung Beetle spirit intervened:

When the reign of the rain was ended
When the loam and compost organified
When the whole ball was rolled up and stored
Then came I thence and hither all was well

But the Frigatebird spirit disagreed:

I am a bird above all birds near and far
I know the winds and the hills from far and near
I can see a quantum gap between a quark and a lepton
Sitting upon the back side of a flea humping a tick
Which then bites the ass of a fly riding the coattails of a mouse

To which the chorus of  the Flea, Tick, Mouse, Fly, Dog, Horse and Hippo consortium rang out:

Do not take our name lightly
For we are legion

But back to the story at hand.  The lone hunter walked carefully in the forest and sought the elusive Pika.  Etched into his fearsome spear was the symbols of power:  The titmouse symbolising milk and tiny rodents; the Asian Whistling Dog symbolising a noisy animal that is tasty in soup; the Tasmanian Devil, symbolising an empathetic nature that eats anything and is thankful; and the Kookaburra, symbolising a long a healthy life of smoking cigarettes and drinking the finest scotch purchased from the locked cellar in the basement at Harrod’s; lastly the image of a Warthog, symbolising a long run-on sentence that features a free association and stream of consciousness the author inserts because he is bored out of his mind and can’t stand what he is writing.

The Katydid spirit spoke to the hunter:

Do not listen to the narrator as he is fallible
I am sure that MS Word cannot fix these awful writings
Yea verily, even if the long squiggly green underlines could be fixed
Which they cannot be

AND THEN THEY ALL DIED.

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