Monday, April 15, 2013

Case of the Mondays

There is a fellow whom I shall call Demetrious who always greets me in one of several days:  He will either say, "Pascal, it's Monday again" on Monday, or he will say, "Pascal, it's hump day" on Wednesday, or he will say, "Pascal, it's Friday!" on Friday.  On other days, his addle brain is so muddied he has nothing to say to me so he merely smiles and nods as we see each other.  I cannot express the desire that I have to punch him where he stands.  I generally smile amiably and dumbly as this default stance gets me by in most situations.  I'm the dumb blonde of tall lanky white guys.

Today I witnessed the following exchange in the communal social cesspool of the elevator:

Man 1:  Hey guy.
Man 2:  Hey.
Man 1:  Monday.
Man 2:  Huh?  Yeah.  Monday.
Man 1:  Monday is good.  That's good.
Man 2:  Yep.

Fuck you both in the face and die, assholes.  What kind of inane nonsense is held in the statement, "Monday"?  And the confirmation of, "Yeah.  Monday"?  Is there any other kind of brilliance you can bestow on the world?  How about this recreation from the 16th century:

Man 1:  Hello good sir.
Man 2:  You too, kind sir.
Man 1:  One doth proclaim the glories of Monday to one's fellow celebratory attendant.
Man 2:  Indeed.  The glorious day of Monday shall henceforth be commemorated from here to the ends of the four corners of earth.
Man 1:  You say so and it must be.
Man 2:  I quite agree, but humility forces me to give you attribution for the original topic of discussion.

If I had my way, this is how it would go:

Man 1:  Hey Pasc.
Pascal:  Hello.
Man 1:  Monday.
Pascal:  What is that supposed to mean?
Man 1:  You know,  Monday.  Monday.  MONday.  MonDAAAAY.
Pascal:  No, I don't know.
Man 1:  You know, like 'Oh, now it's back to work.  It's Monday again!'
Pascal:  It was Monday last week too.
Man 1:  Yes, that's exactly it.
Pascal:  And it will be Monday a week from now.
Man 1:  Yes, yes.
Pascal:  So of the seven days, why pick Monday from the list of notable days in a long list of days from a year or a decade?
Man 1:  Because it's back to work.  That's Monday!
Pascal:  Unless it's a holiday.
Man 1:  Yes.
Pascal:  Or a vacation.
Man 1:  Yes.
Pascal:  Or unless it's Tuesday after a three day weekend but you think it's Monday.
Man 1:  Maybe.  That still counts as Monday.
Pascal:  So Tuesday could be Monday as well?
Man 1:  Not Monday literally, but Monday in a philosophical sense.
Pascal:  So in the fraternity of days, Monday and Tuesday could be friends, but Wednesday and Thursday are left out of the fun that Friday has?
Man 1:  Exactly, yes.
Pascal:  And these days, each of them and their individual ascription, these days are worthy of praise or scorn based on their sequence and the arbitrary ordering into weeks and months are they?
Man 1:  I don't follow, but yes.
Pascal:  Thank you for enlightening me.  I'll try it with you.  I would just walk up to someone like I am pretending to walk to you and say the day?
Man 1:  Yes, try it.  You'll like it.
Pascal:  Yo, man.  Tuesday, bro.
Man 1:  Tuesday.  Yep.
Pascal:  Not Wednesday yet.
Man 1:  Not yet.
Pascal:  Tuesday, man.  I don't even know where to begin with Tuesday.
Man 1:  That's it, you've got it!  It's great isn't it?
Pascal:  No.

2 comments:

  1. Effing brilliant. I hate those types of conversations too. Though I did try to participate in them at one point in my life. I was trying to branch out, and know the natives and their customs.

    But, I'm back to being an ugly American again, for the most part.

    ReplyDelete

Weekly writing output

Wordcount graph
Powered by WritersDB.com