I'm an Asshole

Dennis Leary sang a song about "I'm an asshole".  I thought that was funny.  I couldn't help remember that song when I saw this email (with your Author's subliminal responses throughout) below:

Just in case anyone forgot J Please take a few minutes to post on the Social Events Facebook wall and share how you made it matter for someone today!

I certainly will not!  That smiley does not command me!

[link redacted]

If you’re still trying to think of something to do, here are some ideas:

Here are some ideas for how you can act the retard fool if you can't think of any yourself.  We know you are incapable of any thought so here we will spoon-feed your mind with aimless drivel to replace the already aimless drivel floating in your skull.  We're just as vapid as you are, but at least we gathered a list from FB to send you.

Compliment a stranger

"Excuse me, Mrs. McFluffinstuffin.  You look extremely nice in that uneven black skirt with white top and Kentucky Derby hat.  I'm sorry?  You're not wearing a hat?  Oh dear."

Give someone a handwritten Thank You note

In floral cursive:  "Dear fuckface.  You suck.  The end.  Love, Pascal."

Pay for the coffee/toll/bus fare for the person behind you

"The guy behind me is a real asshole.  He said you looked like a Berkshire pig ready for the slaughter painted with lipstick.  I know, right?  Please get him a cup of whatever he wants and spit in the cup for me.  Here's a fifty for your trouble."

Let someone who seems rushed cut in front of you

"Oh, no, you're in a rush.  Go ahead.  You are obviously more important than I am.  Go right ahead.  Oh, I'm sorry, you tripped on my foot and then my foot spasmed and I kicked you five times in the ass or the head (I can't tell which is which).  I apologise profusely."

Call your parents and tell them you love them

"Ma?  No?  Who's this?  Oh, the prison warden?  Oh.  Can you patch me through?  I have to come in person?  Mondays or Wednesdays from 1pm to 2:30pm?  Never mind."

Bring cookies or a meal to your neighbor

I hope you choke and die, asshole.  Just to be sure, I used cyanide and lye.

Let someone have your seat on the bus or subway

"Sit down, handicapped privileged asshole.  You think you're less able bodied than me?  Fuck you.  I can stand.  I'm an adult healthy human.  Go ahead, sit in my seat fucknose.  It's warm and wet.  You like that?  You like that?"

Check out the FB page throughout the day to see what others have done!

I strongly and stenuously decline.