“So you guys protect the president, no matter what?” asked Potus.
“Well, Sir,” said Johnson, “The Secret Service also protects the currency.”
“Well done,” said Potus. “I need currency to fund my army."
The infamous fart scene needed some expansion:
Potus sat for a long while to let the director cue the Potus graphics and signal the end. Finally receiving the signal, he stood and put his hands behind his hips, stretching his back. "Oof," he said, gripping the edge of his desk and bending forward. The distinct sound of a deep-note kettle whistle could be heard. "Aah," cried Potus, stamping his feet. He gripped the edge of the desk more tightly and let another lengthy one rip. The Chief of Staff who had approached waved his clipboard to fan his face with a grimace.
"Still rolling," called a technician from somewhere behind the lights.
"With sound?" asked another.
"Negative," the first answered. "But I think it's obvious."
"Cut the feed, cut the feed," cried the director.
"Excellent job," exclaimed the Chief of Staff kneeling to get to face level with Potus.
"Yes, yes," said Potus talking to the floor and gripping the edge of the table. "We have given the common every-person what they want. An honest assessment of the state of affairs of the nation."
“Did you fart, Sir?” asked the Chief of Staff.
“Of course I farted, asshole. My ass is full of gas!” exclaimed Potus.
"It smells like natural gas," said the Chief of Staff, wrinkling his nose.
"It is natural gas." agreed Potus.
"Yes, Sir. I think we should stand now," said the Chief of Staff.
"In a minute," growled Potus.
And more expansion before the "Go Fuck Yourself" scene:
"A rider?" asked Potus.
"You know, some pork. Some grease." The Speaker of the House smiled mischievously.
"A metaphor for money?"
"Exactly."
"No way. It is my way or the highway. Getting rid of Daylight Spending is its own reward."
"I don't follow," frowned the House Speaker. “You have to have some give-and-take in this city, it’s how things get done around here.”
“OK, I’ll play your game, but only because I don’t want to kick your ass. I’m tired and I already kicked four asses this morning. What do you suggest?” asked Potus.
“That’s not how it works, Sir,” said the House Speaker. “You have to mention something you’re willing to give and how much you’re willing to spend (so to speak) and we come to an arrangement.”
"Never mind," said Potus. "Do it or don't, nobody cares. The common every-person is fed up with the nonsense coming out of Washington. As a representative of the common people, I’m empowered by myself to tell you to go fuck yourself. Speaking of which, my staff spent a lot of time trying to come up with really good ways to say 'go fuck yourself' to Congress and I wanted to run those by you."
"Um..."
"Sit back and relax. Here we go." said Potus, picking up a piece of paper and putting on his reading glasses. "Let's see. 'Go have sex with yourself', that is pretty basic. Not very imaginative. 'Go autonomously into coitus'. I like that, but I don’t know what it means. 'Go masturbate selfishly', you see because it's go fuck yourself by yourself."
"Sir," objected the House Speaker.
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