“Now, however, we are presented with a new challenge. The challenge is to continue this era of peace and prosperity without really fucking things up… Whoops…” Potus stopped suddenly and wiped his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. He was panicked. The teleprompter scrolled up:
KEEP
CALM
CARRY
ON
“That is, how do we keep the whole ball of wax moving carefully and slowly? I mean, we are in peace and prosperity right now, so how do we keep that up?” Potus was scanning his notes but the letters were just a jumbled mess of scratches that refused to join to form words. He took a deep breath.
“Let’s use an everyday example from my house the other day. Aunt Martha was cooking up some cabbage stew. I love cabbage stew, everyone does. But it smells horrible when it’s cooking in the kitchen. It smells horrible!” Potus covered his nose in an exaggerated effect. “And what we did, um,” here Potus lowered his hands from his face, “What we did was tell Aunt Martha that her favourite television show was on the television. That solves two problems for us. One: Aunt Martha gets out of the kitchen. Two: she um… doesn’t cook the stew”
Here the teleprompter read:
CABBAGE STEW?
“But never mind that,” Potus continued, getting back to his place on the sheets in front of him. “There is a place for everyone in this great country of ours. We need more great Americans like myself to step up and fill crucial roles that our great nation needs. Our nation faces challenges in science, literature, education, and infrastructure. The Constitution does not tell us what to do about any of these challenges. We cannot simply look in a book somewhere to find out how to fix our failing schools and crumbling roads. We don’t have enough criminals in all the penal colonies of our nation to dig ditches and fix roads.
Original:
“Let’s say, for example, that we’re in the kitchen. We are cooking a great meal. Now Aunt Martha comes in and asks us to cook some cabbage stew. Well, Martha is sweet and we want her to contribute, but her cabbage stew smells horrible. Horrible! So how do we tell her that we have everything under control and we do not need more input on how to run things? That’s the question posed to us today. How do we keep Martha out of the kitchen and in the living room where she belongs?
“There is a place for everyone in this great country of ours. We need more great Americans to step up and fill crucial roles to fill in the gaps that our nation faces. Our nation faces challenges in science, literature, education, and infrastructure. The Constitution does not tell us what to do about any of these challenges. We cannot simply look in a book somewhere to find out how to fix our failing schools and crumbling roads. Who among us is going to pick up a shovel and start digging asphalt?
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