Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Potus, Inaguration Part IV

Meaanwhile, in the presidential limosine, Potus eyed the secret service agent sitting across from him warily.

"Who are you, anyway?" Potus asked.

"I'm your head of security detail.  My name is Agent Johnson," said Johnson.  He extended his hand.

"I'd shake your hand, but that's a large gun," said Potus, noting the weapon exposed under Johnson's coat as he leaned forward.

"Yes Sir, it's for your protection," said the Agent.

"Johnson?" wondered Potus.

"Yes, Sir," said Johnson.

"Is that your first or your last name?" asked Potus.

"White bird in the black oven, heading five seven niner," said Johnson into his wrist while pushing a hidden earpiece in his ear.  "I'm sorry, Sir?"

"Your name," said Potus.

"Yes Sir, my name is Johnson," said the Agent.

"You are John's son?" asked Potus, joking.

"No, Sir," said Johnson.

"What was your father's name, then?" asked Potus.

"His name was Mark Johnson, Sir," said Johnson.

"No one was named John in your family?" asked Potus.

"Yes, Sir.  My great-great-great grandfather was named John.  My father came from a long line of John's sons," said Johnson.

"Let me ask you a personal question, John's great-great-great grandson," said Potus.

"Yes, Sir," said Johnson.

"What kind of gun is that under your armpit?" asked Potus.

"Sir, this is a Desert Eagle fifty calibre fully automatic Israeli forces issue," said Johnson.

"Isn't it uncomfortable?" aske Potus.

"No, Sir.  I'm used to it," said Johnson.

"How long  have you been in the Secret Service?" asked Potus.

"Over 15 years, Sir," answered Johnson.

"15 years?  You knew number 44 pretty well, then?" asked Potus.

"No, sir, he was before my time," answered Johnson.

"Would you say that you have been within inches of a living, serving president of the United States and you've never once thought about shooting the president?" asked Potus.

Johnson stared at Potus through his dark glasses.

"I'm just asking for my own protection," said Potus uneasily.  "I fulfill the highest office in the land so I personally am insignificant.  You must consider the office before you shoot someone like me," Potus continued.

Johnson continued to sit in silence, staring at Potus.  After a while, Johnson said, "Sir, I'm not going to admit to thoughts of treason.  I'd have to arrest myself as the man who fills the office that protects your office."

Potus and Johnson stared at each other as the limosine moved a few blocks down the street.  Finally, Johnson spoke again.  "Sir, I'm going to need to confiscate your electronic devices.  You won't be allowed to have any cell phones or electronic devices that can send or receive communications.  We also don't want anyone to track your whereabouts."

Potus looked annoyed.  "Why do you have to take my cell phone?  Do you have one of those U-Phone things?"

Johnson said, "iPhone, Sir?"

Potus waved, annoyed.  "I phone, you phone, we all phone!  Whatever."

Johnson smiled.  "No, sir, I don't have any electronic devices other than my personal comms gear."

Potus pointed.  "See?  You're allowed to have a cell phone but I can't.  That's not fair.  I didn't know that they take your cell phone away from you when you become president.  I might not have signed up if I knew."

Suddenly, Johnson spoke into his wrist again.  "Three ten four eighty.  Watershed movement; duck and roll."

Potus looked alarmed.  "What was that?" he asked.

Johnson said hurriedly, "Don't worry Sir.  Just someone ahead of the convoy is blocking the road.  It looks like they're trying to turn left against the traffic."

Potus was annoyed.  "Some asshole always tries to turn left.  They block traffic while the common every-commuter has to wait behind them.  What kind of asshole turns left?"

Johnson nodded.  "All assholes turn left.  It's what they do, Sir.  Unless they're in England, Sir," Johnson added.  "Then the assholes turn right."

They sat in silence for a long time while the convoy moved through Washington DC.

Johnson spoke up at last.  "Sir, I really need to take your cell phone."

"Fine, then.  Take my phone," said Potus.  "It's just a phone, not a fancy computer.  You can't surf the webs or tweet or anything like that.  But no, you have to take it away.  Fine.  Hold on.  I need to delete some official photos first.  Hang on.  Just some photographs.  Let me see."

"Take your time," said Johnson.

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