Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Potus, OpenMic Part III

New York smiled and put up a peace symbol.
Potus read the next city on the screen.  "Jackson Hole, you're live streaming with the President."
A thoughtful middle aged man appeared and said, "Mr. President, unemployment around here is near 9%.  I would like to hear what you're going to do about jobs in this economy.  Thank you, and God bless."
Potus smiled broadly.  "Well met, plains brother.  Home of the big sky.  Unfortunate choice of city name.  Anyway, time for some bad news.  As I said in my inaugural address, the executive branch doesn't create jobs.  First, the private sector does that.  Second, we just enforce the laws that the legislative branch tries to pass and we agree to.  So as I've said, I'm folding my arms and won't agree to anything.  There you go.
"Who's next?"  Potus squinted.  "San Diego.  Home of the Diegos."
A woman peered out from the screen.  "Wow, it's true, it's really true.  I'm talking to the President."
Potus nodded impatiently, "Yes, hurry up, you only have 60 seconds."
The woman nodded and continued excitedly.  "I just wanted to say I think you're doing great.  I know a lot of Californians can't stand your guts," Potus winced, "but this is just what we need to lead our country.  So thank you very much."
By the end of her speech, Potus beamed.  "Thank you, fine patriot.  Thank you for speaking for all of America and California in your support of the Office.  That is what makes our country so great."
Potus took a handkerchief from his breast pocket and dabbed the corner of his eye.  "Who's next.  Um, Anchorage."
A middle aged man with a bushy beard appeared on the screen.  "Mr. President, my question is about clean energy to drive this nation forward.  Alaska has a lot of natural resources and we can tap into them to gain energy independence.  Do you support building new pipelines and new drilling sites to create jobs and energy?"
Potus nodded.  "First of all, sir, thank you for your sacrifice for this country.  Not many people could live as far away from society and heat as you do to bring us valuable resources that we need.  The lower 48 percent salute you."  Potus made a snappy salute.  "Second, as far as drilling and pipelines, let's do it.  Nobody's stopping you, just a bear and some ice.  God forbid the environ-wackos find out we broke some ice.  The ice is going to melt anyway.  Climate change and all that.  People in Alaska have the right attitude:  sit in the ice hole of the world and wait for the heat to turn on while the rest of us losers burn.  I salute you again, sir."
Potus saluted, then left his hand up to shade his eyes so he could read "Spokane, you're up.  Speaking of hellholes," he smirked.
A young white man in a hoodie looked suicidal.  "What do you mean, hellhole?"
"You know, a place where hell is." Potus answered.
The young man scowled inside his hoodie.  "Eff you buddy," cursed Spokane.  Two men in suits grabbed him from either side before the screen blanked out.
Potus rose in his seat.  "Oh no, eff you, buddy.  I've had shoes thrown at me.  You can't scare me.  All you have in Washington is trees and the name of the greatest President this country has ever known.  Suck it, Lewis and Clark lovers," said Potus, making a crude gesture with his hand on his crotch, half standing.  He paused and sat down.
He pointed a finger at the director.  "No more Pacific Northwest calls," he said icily.

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